back to school, back to school. already faced with a few jarring e-mails about having to have certain things done by such and such date by my friendly neighbourhood class monitors...for instance, i have to root through a few jars of ugly, extracted, real live teeth that i've been collecting since the summer, to find the perfect few i can use for that feared course by the name of endodontics (and radiograph them by thursday...apparently the x-ray clinic will be open until 9 pm for our exclusive use...yay...yes, there's sarcasm there) and it makes me cringe to think that in just a few hours (sleepless hours, no doubt, since i've skewed my sleeping habits greatly while at home) i'll be thrust back in the middle of a term that most people seem to be describing as "the fight of their life".

hopefully, it won't be that bad. there was a lot of studying first term, yes, and days where i thought if only i could get a few more hours of sleep! but all in all, it wasn't terrible. no doubt, it will be busy, but it's all about grace under pressure, and some people are good at that, and some people aren't. yes, this is dentistry, and soon we'll be responsible for the management of thousands of our own patients, but at the same time, we're part of a very big grand scheme, everyone has their own challenges, and this shouldn't faze anyone. it's all a state of mind. and getting your priorities straight, and trusting. anyway, i say that until i truly start bitching about the workload, maybe, say, in the middle of february when i start having my own breakdown...those entries should be interesting...

i saw my favorite high school buddies a few days ago...man, too much time passes between the events where we all see each other...the occasion being, this time, new years and the brief return of one of our friends from her jinjoint out in calgary. i am ever so grateful for their friendship. time, in a way, has drawn me closer to them, but at the same time, the things i've done since high school has put up kind of a wall too, i guess. not the kind you would think, like it's not really that absence has drawn us so far apart - but ... i don't know. for instance, all of our mommies and daddies are now facing, as they ever age, a greater host of illnesses and conditions and syndromes, ones that i never imagined that any of us would have to face, especially in our own families. it's like you think: yeah, 1 out of 3.7 people will get cancer, but probably not the people from my high school graduating class....i mean, that's how everyone thinks. and now that that can be the topic of discussion at dinner, i feel .... (well, not to say that it's all about me) that i don't want to say anything, simply because having learned about the etiology of all of these diseases makes me like an impersonal dictionary know-it-all....what i'm trying to say is, i feel like, sometimes, that i have this burden of knowledge, and instead of spewing out what i know, i really have to say things with discretion, screen my thoughts, and hold back. it's different than sitting around with a bunch of to-be dentists, objectively saying anything. well, i guess its like that in any profession. i just haven't really had to deal with it so up close and personal before, believe it or not.

so, i'm packing. i'm having to leave a lot of stuff here, simply cause there's no room in my suitcase, and, i don't want to lift this thing anymore (i hate packing and unpacking and lugging luggage, it makes me want to stand there and sob and throw a fit). anyway, sadly, to my sense of mourning, there is simply no need for "city clothes" (i.e. impractical, high heeled boots with a point that could impale someone, long merino wool ladycoats, slacks with a beautiful cut that could make you cry) in london, and as a student who trudges through snow and navigates stairs a lot and throws clothes off three times a day to change into scrubs and generally disintegrates into a dishevelled heap 2 weeks into school, functional is the name of the game. we've all been there. the funny thing is, whenever i get back to the city to eat out with friends, i tend to take advantage of the allowability of dressing up, and maybe go overboard. so, for a messy meal out in a greasy spoon bit place downtown, i usually look like the power broker of the group. i've seen people on the subway stare at my boots (the toes form a veyr acute angle), and i know they're wondering what kind of a crazy person i am to jam my toes in there. or maybe they're wondering if i even have toes. or if i'm one of those fashionistas who get some of their metatarsals extracted in the name of fashion (and no, i am not). i admit, clothes change my state of mind and clothes are fun...i've got a lot of growing up to do in some areas, huh?

anyway, that's that.