peunice is officially done her first year in law school, and although trinitrons have graciously postponed peach beer at the bier market in toronto (SARS! SARS!) they are going to this little italy place i've been DYING to go to...i saw it once in the winter time when i was taking the high park streetcarback to u of t from my second year research professor's opera party (hee hee hee there were real live opera singers present...)...it was like a little corner house with windows all around, christmas icicle lights making the inside oh so so so so warm-looking...and had an off-beat cutie pie name i really really thought was cute: kalendar.

we had our anatomy final today. i did an obscene amount of studying for this exam, but the hours spent did not reflect how relatively little this exam is worth, i suppose, and even in the end, there were some rajakumar questions i just did not know about... ;p anyway, despite one exam being over, there are about 10 more to go and i'm already feeling the burn...i mean, i've been at the library every single night this week, or drilling, at least until 10 or midnight, and i can't quite fathom doing that for another few weeks. and each exam brings a different level of stress. the operative 50% exam REALLY stressed me out, and until it's over, i will continue stressing about it, but instead of a feverish, stomach-turning stress now it's more of a resigned, "let's accept the 49% you might obtain on it" kind of a stress. it's like...well, when i was younger, i hated roller coasters, because of a single experience on this wonderland ride where you stand up. and i was a little bit short, and during this terrible stupid ride my head and bumping all around and everything hurt - i spent the entire ride trying not to fall out of the ride and was wondering (at the tender age of 12 or 14) if i would end up with a concussion or permanent brain damage. but after that ride, my friends kept wanting to go on other rides, and although i started at first by picking and choosing rather "safe" rides, we rode all day, until, when it was 7 pm, i would just go on any ride simply because i was too tired and too insensitive and unreceptive anymore to any feeling of fear. so...my analogy to operative is...that i've been bombarded with so much fear and anxiety that it just penetrates me and i absorb it and it's normal now, instead of the fear rays hitting me and me reacting by flinching or saying "oh no! i'm gonna fail!".

all i talk about these days is marks and exams, huh? i really don't want to. i quite dislike discussing marks, not only because i tend to subscribe to the notion that percentages should not limit you, but because your marks, in other people's eyes, categorize you. they treat you differently, sometimes. it depends on who, and it depends on whether that person has...i don't know, experienced some inner and philosophical growth. it's stupid really. if you do well, then certain (morons) people will view you with contempt and as a possible "competitor", and others suddenly have more respect for you (or at least, notice that you exist now - perhaps because you are now a possible competitor) (should a high mark be a basis for...respect for others?) (NO!). others (wise, nice people) don't let such a thing change himself or his attitude toward others, being happy that someone is able to accomplish something well. or perhaps is concerned only with the betterment of himself. if only everything could have a hand of Altruistic in it. so, i suppose, in some insane attempt to resist being subconsciously categorized in the eyes of others, i tend to avoid percentage conversations, or if some really insistent person insistently asks, i annoyingly give an annoying answer back (oh, i got, i don't know, 4%).

went to loblaws. yay! i'm beginning to realize how to survive in my current environment of school all day, library all day, hometime at midnight. i have to find nice, compartmentalized foods. bighead had the right idea when he got vanilla pudding....so i've got little packaged foods now. pudidng, applesauce, yogurt, michelina's (and bran cereal, to counterbalance the crap constipating food of UCC)....was considering those lunchable things, but i think those puppies are packed with nitrites and preservatives...

need to sleep. i haven't heard a real symphony in almost a year. i haven't seen a real opera or a real ballet since last may. sometimes i look through the subscription books for the COC and the NBC and the TSO, thinking "today, they had a performance of Mahler's fifth and i missed it". it's too bad that the season is really only from september until may. this summer, then, i think, will be spent at smaller theatres and smaller productions, and movie theatres, i suppose. i wish they would bring back the really big andrew lloyd webber musicals. need to sleep.