it's so strange how you can go through so many emotions in a day. it started off as "the best day of my life", as i got an "oral histology, it's da bomb" bookmark in histo class for identifying "successional lamina"...and despite the cold walk to school (i always get to pick on and torture porage on the way to school and push him in the snow and give him snow facials, which is, well, guaranteed fun and good start to each day). i didn't even mind the super fast lecture dr galil that is seemingly characteristic of dr. galil - scrawls of "papilla" and "enameloma" here and there on overheads and super fast (and interesting - teeth in ovaries!) talking...thus reminding me of good ole' U of T...and the anticipation of buying a model and making him eat handfuls of parmesan cheese made my day even better than normal days...and then suddenly, i felt so crappy! i wanted to go home (like toronto home!), i didn't want to drill, I just wanted to get up and travel to a very empty place on a self-imposed exile to contemplate the meaning of my life and alternative lives (read: settle down with a book completely unrelated to dentistry and have truffles safely in my other hand), and then when i was actually drilling, i drilled a hole through the electrical plumbing of my slow-speed handpiece (causing a big twirl of burnt rubber to be stuck around my new 245 bur on my high speed), completely botched a 17 MO preparation after thinking "i'm gonna do this well!" and after my first false move, "okay, i'll just flare the buccal part like so", and after botching that "well, it's still plastic so i'll start again on a new tooth", but with dr. O's help, I started to see the possibilities of fixing it...good thing he came along just when i was about to pack up, thinking the box i had done was irreparably wide mesiodistally and incurably short buccolingually. the point of handing over a tooth for inspection is a slight point of terror - in case there's something terribly terribly terribly wrong with it that you didn't realize could happen. but i learned something today. because while dr. o was helping my tooth along, i was thinking "well, if i had just done it this way in the first place...." but really, it's much more worthwhile to learn how to problem solve the botched up circumstances you get yourself into...it's more creative, you understand more....it appears more like an elegant problem.

anyway, so tired and drained and a little wistful for friendly faces (and crispy beef with peunice) in toronto, i went to ugly old weldon library, took a carrol way in the back of periodicals A, slung my coat up on the side, oral histology put me to sleep. i stared at papers, ate a tangerine, slept on my right arm, brushed the crumbs off the desk from some person's last snack...and grudgingly went to meet some friends for the fashion show at 7. which was really at 9. so that sucked. no model purchasing. but here's where my day gets better...it's always good friends and funny conversation and good fun that brings me back up - a round of bubble tea, several rounds of cards (and creative modifications of card games, thus raising the stakes). anyway, on a completely related or unrelated note, i'm always reminded of how important it is to not discount the people you know. it is infinitely more interesting and will add much dimension and meaning and learning to your life if you make an active effort to talk to and listen to many people. you need insularity to maintain a sense of self, but for me, it is impossible to sustain yourself in solitude. it's such a lonely existence.

it's so close to the weekend - i haven't decided what to do. there's thoughts of going to t.o., there's talk of massive korean throngs going to the drink and the wave, a lot of peeps going to a retreat. might start some tooth bell stage drawings. hmmmm, i feel some plaque buildup, which i must now remove.