ah...reflection.

there's a lot on my mind these days. i usually start thinking of things that i can't quite wrap my head around when i don't have the time for solutionless conundrums. this never happens on days when i have absolutely nothing to do.

i've been reading all weekend. it has been aninteresting selection of reading, i have to admit, as geeky as that sounds. it's neat getting into really specialized subjects....here's a smattering of what i'm taking this year: removable prosthodontics, fixed prosthodontics, orthodontics and pediatric dentistry, radiology, periodontics, systemic pathology....there's a lot of complaining about the amount of reading there is - and the word is that you only need to study the "pink notes" to pass 2nd year (which is probably what i will resort to in february, when i get fed up with reading too), but there is a difference. it's like reading coles notes, a paltry distillation, written in uninspired, choppy sentences - in comparison to reading the real thing. it's like spam vs. kobe beef. ya taste the meat in either case, sure, but you know.

i've been thinking about what constitutes friendship. and fellowship. i know, i know, it sounds corny, maybe trivial, probably stupid. it's easy to just treat these things superficially, however, even if you think you've got a "deep, meaningful" relationship with someone. but then again, maybe it's something that you shouldn't think too hard about; you've got a good friend, and that's that. it's not easy, and maybe impossible to get at the essence of these things, but i want to believe that - this is hard to write, i can't find the right words, really - well, two years ago, a friend of mine wrote to me (it was a post-breakup letter, actually) that what we all want, at the end of the day, is a loyal friend. and i think he means someone whom you do not have to worry about "maintaining" a friendship with (meaning that absence does not preclude friendship - you are not easily forgotten), someone who knows that friendship goes beyond and lies deeper than the next best thing, the next entertaining hooligan...and it's never a question of finding someone who thinks like you do, or does the same things you do, but rather someone who is always open to you. it's reciprocation and loyalty and empathy, not the amount of time spent together racked up.

and fellowship. fellowship is a daily, weekly, lifelong action. taken as a noun, it refers to, i guess, set times where you spend a few hours with a group of people, but it's really a continual effort, and it should always be in your mind. like a mantra, until you start living your mantra. if i were to take this one step further, you might guess what it would be, but i'm not quite ready to say it - that would be a very big step.

anyway, it's been a busy week. big interfacapalooza event at phoenix, softballs games and frat bbqs - coupled with my cold, which i initially thought was west nile, the encephalitis bit. shout out to shawky!

nite.