today, i thought i would get to do my first endo root canal treatment. i was so...half-nervous, half-excited, half-ready. and another half just worried i would perf the entire crown...i reviewed everything pretty meticulously, set up everything meticulously, did the ridiculous "envisioning the entire flow of the procedure in your mind" mind-over-matter yogi preparation...and half-way into the appointment, just as we were ready to put all the rubber and clamps and anaesthetic in, the patient simply did not want to start the root canal today. the patient wanted to do the root canal next time. i'm guessing the patient just wasn't ready to be all rubber dammed and frozen - probably wasn't expecting that we would actually start today, since up until now, the patient's tooth was being monitored (over a few years, actually) for changes. my reaction: "uh....(argh, i spent a HOUR setting up for you! rescheduling is difficult!), okay..." ahahahahahahaaa! geez. in retrospect, though, although i was ready to go and do an access, perhaps it was in my mental favor to hold off until the next appointment, because instead of anxiousness and trepidation and a feeling of going into some kind of a perforative abysmal abyss, now i feel a slight sort of impatience instead; i really just want to do this procedure. it's like waiting for godot.

i'm considering forgoing the usual academic summer - the research, working, doing short stints in hospitals - in favor of a trip round asia. which would be great, since i've never ever ever seen a single relative, except maybe one. apparently, i have many - my mom has brothers, and my dad has brothers, there are aunts and pseudoaunts and childhood friends and gangster relations. we're the only branch out here on this continent; i'm thinking this trip might be a bit overwhelming. can you imagine, from their point of view, seeing, all of a sudden, your sister's daughter, for the first time, in 25 years? i wonder if they'll feel any connection to me. they'll probably take one look at me and force me to get eyelid surgery. and implant a bridge in my nose. in thailand, i could get my legs extended. actually, my interest is in the food. apparently i have a restauranteur uncle, quite a good one, so perhaps i can hone my skills under his tutelage and come back knowing the intricacies of soju (cooking with it, drinking it, drinking it, drinking it), really *really* well...

anway. back to pharm studying. boooooooooo.