i'm so happy! i don't know why. that's the mystery of the universe, i suppose; you must be able to look out your window, see ugly red buildings (i'm looking at lambton right now), but notice the changing colors of the leaves and feel so content and excited.

i had an interesting week. i lost patients, for reasons out of my own control, but it gave me a lesson in understanding bureaucracy and administration, the idiosyncracies of the educational environment, and the plain reality of the cost of dentistry. after one of my patients cancelled a friday afternoon appointment, i heard on the intercom, as i was packing up my instruments, that a "really easy class 5" had come into emergency, and geez, my heart quickened a bit (i mean, it was already 3:30 - could i set up and cut and restore that in time?). i took a chance and decided to try it, through my nerves and all. so i set up, kind of like a chicken with its head cut off (running here and there grabbing this and that), and punched three different rubber dams (i need a stencil) without success until Eva helped me draw some dots, and finally got the patient into the chair. i anesthetized the patient without incident, the rubber dam was a bit more finicky (used a 212 for the first time), and Dr. Gray made my undercut because i was being too timid with the handpiece (only a millimeter into enamel i was thinking "where's the pulp!"). but the patient was so delighted with the final result, and told me it was the nicest tooth in his/her mouth. it was really gratifying. really, there's nothing like actually doing it - you learn much more. i mean, i know how to do a class 5, i know the depths, i know what the undercuts should look like, but i was ultra ultra conservative because i didn't want to cause any irreperable damage! plastic teeth don't have pulp chambers, and plastic teeth are all the same. and it is incredibly easy to see where you have cut into plastic. but real teeth react differently. having the chance to watch Dr. Gray do such a simple thing as create a deeper undercut for retention was educative - it allowed me to see the - limits - i guess, of what was possible in that situation.

i had the loveliest dinner last night. 18% cream, that's all i can say.